Would You Rather

Stoned to death with pickles vs. suffocating in mayonnaise

Between the two horrible choices of death, I would probably choose to be stoned to death by pickles. There isn’t really a good choice this time around but I think that suffocation would be the worst way to die. With suffocation you get a feeling of helplessness. While you’re helpless with the pickle stoning, you could at least try and fight it. I’m not quite sure that you can be stoned to death with pickles anyway so that reinforces my choice a little; while I’m quite sure that you can suffocate in mayonnaise. I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe.

Living eyebrows that moved about your face vs. leaving a trail of paprika everywhere you go

I would rather have living eyebrows that could move around my face than leave a trail if paprika everywhere I went because I would learn to control my eyebrows and make them become a mustache that could do tricks. Also, who wants a trail of paprika that follows them wherever they go? That would not be beneficial to anyone, except a bounty hunter that could use this trail to hunt you down, so the paprika trail is more likely to get you killed than the moving eyebrows. I guess that the paprika could be beneficial to you if you were in the culinary arts, but people would probably complain about not knowing the source of your paprika and they might sue you. It appears to me that the paprika trail is just bad news all around.  

Look like Yasser Arafat in the mirror vs having the imperial march play when you walk into a room

Without question I would have the imperial march play when I walk into a room. Yasser Arafat is one ugly dude for one and the imperial march demands respect from everyone you see when you walk into a room, for fear that I might force choke them, or send them through a wall.

Sleep between the mattress and the box spring vs having funky town play every time you hear music

I would choose to sleep between the box spring and mattress, mostly because I think that funky town would get extremely annoying very fast. I like a variety of music anyway, so listening to only one song would really get on my nerves. Sleeping between the box spring and mattress might not be so bad actually. It would take some getting used to, but I think I could do it.